


Stay With Me

by AjanisApprentice



Series: Whumptober 2019 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23537875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AjanisApprentice/pseuds/AjanisApprentice
Summary: For Whumptober 2019, Prompt 17.
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth/Shamir Nevrand
Series: Whumptober 2019 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1510241
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> For Whumptober 2019, Prompt 17.

_“So, the Ashen Demon.” Shamir mused as she stared deeply into her second tankard of ale, ignoring the snores coming from the conked out Catherine at her side. She knew she wasn’t drunk yet, but she was definitely feeling a buzz and found herself loosening, both her muscles and her lips. Looking up from the drink she tilted her head at Byleth. “I’m still very curious to learn how you came by that little title.”_

_Byleth shrugged before taking another large gulp. The man was on his fourth tankard of an ale that was far stronger than anything either she or Catherine had been having and seemed to be not at all perturbed by the copious amounts of alcohol he was consuming, in stark contrast to both herself and her partner (who’s current lack of consciousness was a direct result of her trying once again to out drink the Professor and failing). “It wasn’t something Father or I came up with,” he admitted. “During one job several of the bandits we were hired to dispatch ran. Father saw no reason to chase them; there were only a handful left and there was no way they’d return, knowing we were in the area. Several weeks later, as our mercenary troupe was staying in some simple town in the Alliance, some of the troupe overheard the villagers whispering about a demon, his face pale and uncaring as he slashed down enemies without concern or care. After some investigating they found one of the bandits that we had let go in a tavern, telling over his experience to any who would listen, speaking less like he fought a fifteen year old and more like he had nearly been eviscerated by a demonic beast. The troupe thought it was a great moniker and the name just stuck, despite father’s protests.”_

_Shamir whistled lowly. “Must have been quite the scare you gave the poor man. That or he was just as cowardly and prone to exaggeration as most bandits are.” Shamir let out a light snort of amusement at the thought as she brought her tankard up for another sip but stopped midway when she saw Byleth not reciprocating the sentiment. Rather, the man stared deeply into his own tankard, his eyes becoming unfocused._

_“I’m not sure the man was exaggerating.” Shamir raised an eyebrow at this but Byleth didn’t seem to notice, his thousand yard stare still on his face as he continued. “From what little I understand of the word, I wasn’t normal. Am not normal really.”_

_“Are any of us?” Shamir once again let out a snort but Byleth shook his head slowly._

_“I wasn’t a normal child. And am not a normal man.” His voice was slow and every word came out measured. “Killing is easy, and even was back then. Not fun or enjoyable, but easy. Other people feel things, at least at first. But I never once did. Still don’t._

_“And it wasn’t just killing either. Never once did I ever really smile or express joy. I… I’m not sure I ever even really felt it. Never once when I got hurt did I ever think to cry or shout. I felt the pain, but never did I react.” A brief smile flicks across Byleth’s face as he stops speaking for a moment before picking back up. “I remember one time, when I was very young, father had been beginning to teach me how to properly use a sword. I was going over simple swinging exercises when I tripped and fell and cut myself deeply. I felt the pain but never once did I even think to cry out or tear up. Even as my father stitched me up I didn’t let out a sound.” Byleth let out a deep sigh. “That isn’t normal.”_

_“Does it really matter?” Byleth gave her an odd look at that though Shamir didn’t really care. At least, not with the help of the alcohol in her system at the moment. “Professor let’s be real. People naturally become numb to things after enough exposure. I haven’t felt a thing in years when it comes to doing my job.” Shamir paused for a moment, taking a larger swig of her ale before continuing. “You were around mercenaries your entire life. It makes sense that you wouldn’t exactly be too affected by death.”_

_The argument didn’t seem to be quite enough for Byleth as the man frowned and shook his head. “That doesn’t explain my numbness to everything else,” he countered, turning to face his tankard once more. “Not expressing anger or sadness or joy-”_

_“Didn’t you just smile?” That seemed to snap him out of his reverie and Shamir found herself fighting the urge to smirk as Byleth’s head snapped up from his tankard to her. “Just now, as you were thinking about that story with your father’s lessons and him taking care of you. You smiled when you thought about it.”_

_“I… I guess I did?” His honest bemusement at that simple fact wasn’t helped by her teetering on the edge of intoxication and Shamir found that it took nearly all of her willpower to not just start laughing right then and there._

_“See, nothing to worry about. You’re putting far too much stock in matters from years ago and not thinking enough about the here and now. I’ve seen you with your students Professor and you very clearly enjoy your time with them. You very clearly care for them.” Shamir offered him a smile, a genuine one without the normal edge of sarcasm or cynicism. “Don’t worry too much about it. Just keep up what you’re doing now.”_

* * *

It was that scene two short months ago that ran through her head now as Shamir’s life got far more complicated than she was prepared for.

It was supposed to be simple. Go find Byleth ( _Professor Byleth, you’ve known him for only slightly over half a year)_ , tell him that Rhea needed to speak with him and then head to the sauna before going back to the barracks and getting some sleep. 

Shamir had just come back from leading a mission and had hoped she could try and settle down when Seteth cornered her and asked (' _Ordered’ said an upset part of her brain though she knew that was just her frustration about not being able to get to bed immediately_ ) her to find Byleth. Much as she wanted to refuse and tell him to get one of the Professor’s students to find him, Seteth’s somber and almost distracted demeanor gave her pause. The man didn’t even stay long enough for her to give him a response one way or the other. He just up and left after telling her, muttering something to himself that she couldn’t make out.

So Shamir sucked it up and went searching. The obvious places first; his quarters, his homeroom, the training grounds. When that failed she began asking students if they had any idea where he was. At best they quickly admitted to not knowing. At worst… well Sylvain was lucky Ingrid was nearby otherwise the idiot may have walked away from their interaction missing two important bits.

Eventually though she got an answer when running into Dedue. “He came by about half an hour ago,” the giant from Duscur answered her without looking up from his tending of the flowers of the greenhouse. “Asked for his usual bouquet when visiting his mother’s grave. He may still be there.” Thanking the man, both for the answer and the direct way it was given, Shamir set off.

Which is how she ended up here. Standing halfway down the stairs leading to the cemetery, seeing Byleth hunched over the gravestone of his parent’s plot and realizing just how insensitive and bordering on cruel it would be to waltz down to him and tell him Rhea wanted to see him.

After several moments of silent deliberation Shamir felt herself slump as she began to turn around ready to head back up the stairs. Screw whatever they needed to tell him and whatever reprimand Seteth would inevitably give her, she wasn’t going to be the one to interrupt whatever mourning Byleth was still going through. 

“Shamir?”

At least not until he apparently caught site of her. Wincing, Shamir turned around to face him and once again found herself having to consciously hold herself back from gaping.

( _It wasn’t normal. People’s hair and eyes don’t randomly change color for no reason. Yet here he stood in front of her, still himself in mannerisms and actions yet alien in appearance. It wasn’t normal and the fact that Rhea didn’t seem at all concerned disturbed her greatly._ )

“Byleth.” Shamir inclined her head slightly towards him. “I… I apologize for interrupting.”

“It’s alright.” Byleth’s even tone was enough to hide his feelings from most others, but not from her. ( _Yes, because of just how much time you’ve spent around him. Training, drinking, reminiscing about your old lives. Getting attached far more than you know is healthy.)_ She could hear how his voice ever so slightly wavered and could see the near invisible shimmer of tears at the corners of his eyes. “Did you need something?”

( _She feels a dull deep ache in her chest and it takes far too much willpower to ignore it. Never mind that it shouldn’t be there in the first place._ ) “I was told to let you know that Rhea wanted to see you. When you were available.” She wasn’t going to not tell him at this point, but neither was Shamir going to tell him he had to leave now. “It doesn’t have to be now, just at your earliest convenience.”

Byleth stared at her for a long moment before nodding. “Right. Thank you for letting me know. Was there anything else?”

Shamir shook her head, feeling her body ease up now that she’d delivered the message and could leave this scene and the mess of emotions that were getting harder to hide by the moment. “No. Once again, sorry for interrupting you.” With that she turned away, ready to head to the sauna and put this all behind her.

“Wait.” 

And just like that, with one single word, Shamir found herself freezing again. So much of herself, entrenched and ingrained over the past five years, screamed to just walk away, pretend she hadn’t heard. Byleth’s voice had come out soft and low; it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that she simply didn’t hear him. And yet she found herself unable to ignore the call. “Yes?” Shamir asked as she turned to face him once more.

“I… If you…” She could see him looking visibly uncertain, worried almost. Likely afraid of stepping past some invisible boundary the two had silently agreed to keep but one that had been eroding for a while. Yet somehow Byleth seemed to find some inner resolve as his features settled and he looked at her directly. 

“Stay with me. Please.”

Even knowing something was coming hadn’t exactly prepared her for that and Shamir couldn’t keep her eyes from widening as she involuntarily stepped back. Byleth caught her reaction and his expression shifted back from its temporary resolve to one of slight panic. “I- I’m sorry. I just… you don’t have to… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”

“No.” The word slipped out before she even realized it and she found herself walking down the stairs, stopping at the bottom as she got a hold of herself once more. “I- I was just surprised.” Shamir found herself looking away, not wanting to meet his eyes. “This seemed… personal. Private. I didn’t think my presence would be wanted.”

“It is.” It came out simply and Shamir found her gaze pulled back to Byleth. The man seemed to have found his bearing but Shamir could see a desperation in his eyes. A need for something, someone to hold onto, to anchor himself in. And suddenly realization smashed right into her as that conversation in the bar played back in her mind once again.

_“From what little I understand of the word, I wasn’t normal. Am not normal really.”_

_“Never once did I ever really smile or express joy. I… I’m not sure I ever even really felt it.”_

_“Does it really matter?”_

_“Don’t worry too much about it. Just keep up what you’re doing now.”_

Shamir had always thought those stories about Byleth being emotionless were exaggeration. She hadn’t honestly believed he didn’t know how to feel emotion. She still wasn’t sure if she did. But Shamir did realize something. That whether or not he had known emotion, it was only recently that Byleth ever allowed himself to show it. Allowed to himself to truly feel it. And this was the first time that he let himself feel grief. Over a mother he never knew and a father he lost too early.

And it was drowning him.

With that realization came a decision. Damn the walls she’d built. He needed someone, and it would be cruel of her to run just because of the issues she herself needed to work out.

So Shamir stepped forward, one foot in front of another until she stood in front of him, even as her internalized need to distance and isolate herself told her to stay away in fear of being burnt once more. Instead she lifted her head up slightly to look him in the eyes. “Alright. I’ll stay.”

Byleth stared at her for a moment silently, eyes widening. He opened his mouth once, twice, and neither time did a sound come out. “I… You will?” The question finally came out though Byleth’s voice was faint as he stared at her with disbelief warring with relief.

“I will. However long you need.” That seemed to do the trick and Byleth nodded at her before turning back to his parent’s grave. And, as if a dam had been burst, the man fell to his knees and began to silently weep. Shamir stood over him, a hand on his shoulder gripping tightly.

Tomorrow she would have to sit down and unpack everything. Tomorrow she would have to try and figure out this complex mess of emotions. But that was tomorrow. For today, Shamir would stay by him.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, it still counts for Whumptober 2019. Whumptober 2020 hasn't happened yet, so it's all good.


End file.
